#03: Just Shoot Me!
Why does starting something new always suck?
Thinking of renaming this newsletter the:
“nobody gives a shit about Jonny’s newsletter, newsletter”
Thoughts?
It’s ok. I’m tough. I can handle it. 🥹
It’s what starting anything new feels like (I tell myself— while eating an entire box of Captain Crunch).
I don’t remember a time, when I started something new.. and didn’t feel really dumb, frustrated and wanting to quit.
I come in with high hopes and when reality sinks in - It’s the worst.
A new class, business, job, a project, basically EVERYTHING.
It always sucks at the beginning.
The party ends the minute “I show up”.
It’s like someone called the cops ‘cause the party’s so lame.
At a certain point, my survival instincts kick in — I access the dewey decimal system in my head for a past experience— when I started something new—it sucked — and over time - became good. It’s always the same pattern.
One story comes to mind and feels “apropos” as this is my 3rd newsletter.
Sitting?
Ok, I’m starting High School.
I’m excited and nervous at the same time.
It’s the early ‘90’s. High school in Ontario (Canada) at the time had 5 grades: 9-13. So, you had kids as young as 14 up to possibly 20 (if they failed aka “losers”).
For a 14 year old, 19 year olds were HUGE.
In the 90’s Initiation was a big thing. Grade 13’s got to torment and humiliate grade 9’s in a slightly organized fashion.
Needless to say, I was shitting bricks.
It’s now two days before the first day of school.
I wanted to make a good first impression… so I needed to time my haircut perfectly.
I had the same barber forever, Francesco. A small Italian man, who was very detail oriented. He always cut it the way I liked it. I never had to give him instructions.
It was always “the usual”.
This time, however, I was nervous. I was young and really wanted to make a good first impression while at the same time look invisible to the graduating students.
I sit on the chair— Francesco confirms “the usual”. I nod and say “except, let’s do 3 on the sides and back”.
My usual was 2, referring to the blade level.
This time, I was going for “ultra-conservative”. Like— one blade level would make a difference? In my head, it was the difference between standing out vs blending in with the lockers. Life or Death.
He always took his time, which I appreciated.
He steers the barber chair to the left, away from the mirror.
He’s spending an unusual amount of time shaving one side of my head, but I don’t really notice.. I’m grateful for his effort. In my mind, it’s the most important haircut of my life, I’m happy he’s taking his time.
About 8 minutes go by…
He turns the chair towards the mirror for me to evaluate.
My gut reaction was to laugh.
Seconds later I wanted to cry. Badly.
THERE’S A BIG FUCKING “3” ON THE SIDE OF MY HEAD.
I’m frozen in shock.
What are we gonna do?
Francesco and I have an emergency meeting. He explains to me a lot of hockey players were shaving their team numbers on their heads. That’s why he thought I wanted the NUMBER 3 on the sides and back of my head.
I didn’t care why. I could barely hear him. I was devastated.
I just needed solutions, right-the-fuck-away.
How we getting out of this???
I went from wanting to look invisible to literally having a BULLSEYE on my head.
We decided to shave my sides and back to blade level 0.5. I looked like a little Jewish skinhead.
And guess what? You could still see the “3” slightly on the side of my head.
Needless to say, I got initiated pretty bad.
Peanut butter smattered on my face - I’m allergic.
My face swelled up like a ballon.
All this to say. It could not have started any worse!
But by the time I graduated - I had some of the best years of my life.
I’m still friends with a lot of people from High School.
E-V-E-R-Y T-I-M-E I start something new - IT ALWAYS SUCKS.
But over-time, it gets better and better.
Starting sucks… but always leads to great things.
Danke Schoen,
Jonny G.